Mystical Lightfighters

I just found this website:

http://www.awpi.com/Combs/Shaggy/

I think I will be spending a lot of time here.

Baldary

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a cup of
boiling water down your throat and presto. The blockage will be removed almost instantly.

2. Clumsy by nature? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by
getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using
the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for few
minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer, however.

5. A mousetrap placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from
rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of ExLax. Deep fear is very
effective in preventing cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will
forget about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are: You
only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and it does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know him or her.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

11. If you woke up breathing, Congratulations! You get another chance.

12. And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you
might need them to empty your bedpan.